The Day the Stargate Died
by MyNameIsJeffNImLost
Summary: aka Mmmmm, Pie. May 9, 2011: The last day of the Stargate Program. A little funny, maybe romantic, a bit of a parody, and just plain sad. Not a songfic. Spoilers for the last SGU episode.


A/N: This story had to be written. Potential spoilers for all Stargate series, and a few other shows.

Disclaimer: Nobody else owns anything here, so why would I?

Disclaimer 2: No beta. Why would I sucker/obligate/subject anyone into reading this when they didn't want to?

_9 May 2011 – The Day the Stargate Died_

**XXXXXXXX**

_Knock, Knock._

Jack O'Neill groaned and wondered who could be bothering him here, twenty miles from the nearest town. He opened the door of his cabin to find one smiling blonde astrophysicist, Samantha Carter.

"Hi, Sir."

"Carter?"

"Did I wake you?"

"No, I was just getting ready to start some quality fishing."

"I shouldn't be bothering you."

"You're not a bother. You're never a bother. Why are you here?"

"It's funny, really. I was out driving, you know… in my car, and I… I drove here." Sam was smiling in a way that contradicted the uneasiness she was trying to project.

Jack didn't understand. "To Minnesota?"

Sam laughed and shook her head. "Sorry, I forgot you didn't remember this conversation."

"Huh?"

"The last time you downloaded the Ancient repository, we had a similar conversation."

"Huh?"

"Don't worry about it, Sir. How about you get me a beer?"

Jack brushed it off and smiled in a way that made Sam blush. "I can do that."

Jack went to the kitchen and retrieved a couple beers. They took their drinks to the back where they found a seat by the pond.

"So why are you really here, Carter?"

"I didn't know what else to do. I've been part of the Stargate Program for over fifteen years. Now that it's over, I didn't know what to do with myself."

"So you came here?"

"So I came here."

Sam and Jack sat together looking at the pond in companionable silence. Jack had never made any secret about it being his favorite place in the universe. Sam secretly thought the same thing.

The last few months had been difficult. The decision to shut down the Stargate Program had been an ill advised one. Unfortunately, there was not much that could be done about it now. With the economy the way it was, it was simply too expensive. One of the major companies backing the IOA went bankrupt the previous year. That forced some of the other companies to reevaluate their priorities. The original mission was supposed to be a one-shot deal. Everything after that was to defend Earth against the Goa'uld and the Ori. Even with the program transitioning from a US project to an international one, no one was prepared to fund it indefinitely. So now the powers-that-be had decided to bury the gate and pretend it never happened.

A message was sent to the Lucian Alliance saying they could have the whole galaxy as long as they left Earth alone. They were thrilled to say the least. No one in the IOA realized isolationist policies never worked forever.

Jack opened a bar in San Francisco to serve the Atlantis crew when they landed in the bay. A short while later, Atlantis became the 'Lost City' again. Woolsey and McKay were back, but their memory had been altered, and they had no recollection about what happened to everyone else. After a cursory search, the entire expedition was declared MIA. The IOA decided with the Goa'uld and Ori gone, ZPMs from Pegasus were not needed to defend Earth and the risk of a Wraith invasion was not worth it.

The _Destiny_ crew was completely abandoned. They weren't even told via stones that the Stargate Program was being canned. One pencil pusher said, "They'll figure it out eventually when they wake up in three years. It's not like they're ever getting back to Earth. If they did get lucky, however, they could gate back to another planet in the galaxy." Everyone knew the odds of them doing that without Carter's help were pretty small. Without a Stargate, no one would be able to verify if the _Destiny_ crew ever made it back, so all pool money was refunded.

The hardest thing for Jack and Sam to deal with was what happened to the rest of SG-1.

Teal'c abandoned his warrior ways and decided to stay on Earth. He was helping decommission some of the artifacts procured through the Stargate so they could be sold off. His snake helmet fetched a decent price. Some people were hoping the proceeds could help pay off some of the IOA's debt. Why Teal'c was involved was anyone's guess.

Daniel went nuts on a dig in Egypt. The whole 'coming back from the dead' thing went to his head. He started thinking he was some reincarnation of a winged superhero. A couple months ago he fell off a building trying to save a jumper. Some people figured he might still come back from the dead like he always does.

Vala left Daniel before he went nuts, so her nagging presence wasn't to blame for his condition. Word was she embraced the Earth culture by opening a biker bar in the DC area.

Cam retired from the Air Force and as part of a mid-life crisis decided to try his hand at being a private eye. No one gave him much of a chance.

After a few moments of silent contemplation, Jack spoke, "So what's next for you, Carter?"

"I've been volunteering a lot at an animal sanctuary in the Pacific Northwest. They've offered me a full-time gig to run the place."

"You'd be good at that. Of course, you'd be good at anything you do."

"Thank you, Sir."

Jack frowned. "Carter, why do you still call me 'sir'? We're both out of the Air Force now."

"It's a sign of respect… and for you it's for more than a little affection, too." Jack gave her a curious look as she continued, "I always liked how you were the only person who calls me 'Carter.'"

"Ok, _Carter_, why are you really here?"

"Well, with the Stargate program completely shut down, all of the F-304s in dry dock, and the Earth safe, for now, there's only one important thing left to resolve."

"What's that?"

Sam finished off her beer with one long swig, trying to fortify what she was about to say. "Us."

"Oh, that."

"For years we both submitted requests to get waivers around the regs—"

"And the powers that be never approved them."

"However… now…" Sam looked at Jack hopefully.

"Now, we can do whatever we want." Jack's eyes revealed the truth sinking in.

"Exactly."

"Sweet." Jack held a small smile. "So what are we still doing out here?"

"Good question."

Jack stood quickly and pointed triumphantly back to the cabin. "To the bedroom!"

Sam released the largest possible dimpled grin. "After you, _Sir_."

_XXXXXXXX_

A/N: In _Fairly Legal_, Richard Dean Anderson's character owned a bar in San Francisco. In _NCIS_, Claudia Black's character owned a biker bar. Christopher Judge has been on _Hollywood Treasure_. Michael Shanks has been Hawkman on _Smallville_ and died falling off a building. Ben Browder is playing a private eye in a series in production, _Naught for Hire_. And of course, Amanda Tapping is in _Sanctuary_.

I can't decide if this story is humorous, sad, romantic, or a parody. Let me know and I'll set the category appropriately.


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